Dec. 16—Reverb 10—Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (prompt author: Martha Mihalick)
I’ve always tried to please people, avoid rocking the boat. In the process over the years I swallowed all the anger and frustration that caused me and stuffed them into the furthest reaches of my being. There comes a point where there is no room left to stuff and the emotions spill out the edges like an oozing burrito.
Learning that I can’t make or keep everyone in my life happy is a slow process—painful even at times. But my friend T is helping me to see that living more authentically is more important than brushing aside how I really feel. And that certain people may not ever be able to see my perspective and that’s okay; I can’t expect them to. That truth is still seeping into my consciousness…that I have to let go of the expectation and the hope that at some point in the future everything that I am currently struggling with will be hunky dory and everyone will be happy. It may not.
I still find myself sweeping hurt feelings and frustrations into closets, hoping that nobody opens them. But I am also learning to let them be; to not place a “bad” or “unwanted” label on certain emotions. They simply are and that’s okay. We can’t always be in a state of euphoric happiness, always striving to only feel the “good” emotions. I can choose my reactions to those feelings, but trying not to experience them doesn’t make them evaporate.